The emotions leaked out today

Today has been very busy. Sweet little Josette is doing really well. She's been eating a lot and her diapers are very wet. YAY! Guerlin, with the heart condition, has acclimated very well. Most if his tears the first two days were just from being away from his mama. He's a playful little thing now, and has completely stolen my heart.

This afternoon I made the journey to Milot to visit the hospital. The ride in was interesting, to say the least. The kids would run out in the streets to wave at us. Many had no clothing on at all, some in just underwear. The houses, can I call them that? I don't know how the people live in them. I pray I will never complain about the size of my house again. It's a mansion by the standards down here. I have so much.

The smell. Dear God the smell. I cannot describe it. I can only tell you that I'm shocked when I saw people washing their clothes and their bodies in the water that's in the ditch. If I had to smell that all day I would not last here.

When we arrived in Milot I saw the tent community that was set up after the quake. Loads of people were brought in my helicopter because most of the hospitals in PAP were destroyed.

The hospital. I won't make it thru typing about this without sobbing. I wasn't expecting Children's, but I wasn't expecting this. Chaos is the only way to describe it. We went to drop off supplies for the two COTP babies who are there. What I learned is that the hospital will tend to the medical needs, and that's it. No feeding or changing. COTP has a nanny who stays with the babies 24/3, then they rotate out.

The room as a combo NICU/PICU. The babies broke my heart. Our little KenLove was there. While he's much older, his body was so much more frail than sweet Josette. I held him before we left. He was a bit tentative at first, but his frail body didn't have enough energy to protest. He slowly laid his head on my shoulder, and that's when I couldn't take it anymore. All of the Haitian women were staring at me as I sobbed. I tried to think of anything else, but all I could feel was KenLove's little head on my shoulder. God, please save him.

I pulled it together enough to help go pick up a bunch of docs from the US. They came back with us to tour, and answer questions about medical needs. They are with the babies now, which is the only reason I'm able to post.

A note for Jaclyn - here's another tear moment, but tears of joy. Jaclyn from Canada sent down about 20 canvas bags. I've been storing supplies in my room, slowing bringing them out so I don't overwhelm them with all there is. Jaclyn, they so need these bags. It's as though you knew it!! Two of the bags will be used to transport the supplies to Milot for the babies at the hospital. I know that a lot of love will travel along with them.

Along with the heartbreak, there are some pretty amazing moments. If you would have asked me Monday if I would come back here, my response would have been, "Absolutely not. And God, please get me out of here NOW!" Today, that response has changed a bit. While this is the most difficult thing I've done in my life, there is a purpose.

I miss my children. I miss my husband. Oh I miss air conditioning and my coffee every morning. But for this next week, I'll keep that to the side as I cherish my time here.

Just a note- you won't be seeing pics of the babies on this blog, even when I get home. For the safety of the children we are not allowed to post pics on the Internet. I'll print and email to anyone who requests. I've got some fun video as well.

Ok - time to sign off. There's always someone who needs to be fed.

Karen