Saturday, July 30, 2011

I miss her...

It almost feels like I'm nesting today - but in a food way, not a cleaning the house way. I'm baking up a storm and blanching and freezing veggies. Jason, and my waistline, would be happier if I nested the other way.

There's no real reason. It's not like we're anywhere close to having two new feet in this house. We found out a couple of weeks ago that we're past first legalization, and she's got an IBESR number. My friend who is also adopting from COTP says this is a huge step forward. It doesn't feel like a huge step. It could still be a year before she comes home.

I miss her today. How can I miss a child I've never met? I don't understand it, and yet I miss her. Her picture is in my bedroom. She has the most beautiful eyes and a mischievous smile. She and Henry are going to get into a lot of trouble together. A lot.

The best advice I got from someone was to keep living. It's so easy to put life on hold as we wait for her to come home. I've been hoarding my PTO, making sure I have enough saved for both trips to Haiti. My life is on hold - waiting for the one email that says she's ready to come home. A year from now.

Last Thursday I had an unexpected day off of work. Sofia needed to pick flowers for her Outdoor Art class. We went outside first thing in the morning to explore together. We had so much fun picking flowers she's normally not allowed to mess with. I let my hair down, if you will. There are plenty of flowers out there.

I've made a conscious decision - the hold button is off. It's time to heed the advice. I'm living life as much as I can.

My mind truly never stops thinking about Baby Haiti.

I miss her.

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