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Friday, December 30, 2011

Nesting

I'm thankful to have 10 full days away from work to recharge my batteries and spend time with my kids.  Right now I'm on Day 7 of sleeping in, being lazy, and not wearing real clothes.  Yesterday Henry said, "Mommy, put on make-up."  That's how wonderful my time off has been.

Yesterday was a crazy busy day at home.  I'm nesting.  I don't understand why, but I have this urgent need to get ready for her.  We have a modest house by US standards.  (A mansion by Haitian standards.)  Only 3 bedrooms.  That means the little girl will be sharing a room with someone.  Since she's currently in a room with all boys, and Henry is closer to her age, it's only logical that she'll share a room with him.

I started cleaning Henry's room yesterday.  Organizing toys, removing the diaper Genie we haven't used in ages, clearing out a corner.  I told Jason I want to buy a toddler bed and get her part of the room set up.

"It's too early.  We don't need a toddler bed yet."

My heart wants a toddler bed set up.  With cozy warm bedding and lots of stuffed animals.  I just want...something.

Along with cleaning yesterday I also finished the second panel of the blanket I'm knitting for her.  Don't be impressed at all.  I'm using a loom so it's total cheater knitting.  But it's something I made with my own hands for her.  I can see her wrapped up in it.  I want to put it on her bed.

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I love connecting with other adopting mothers.  No offense to anyone else out there, but they are the people out there who 'get it'.  They too have waited/are waiting for their child to come home.  They too understand what being paperwork pregnant is like.  They too understand how crazy, emotional, neurotic and confused I am - and they don't judge me for it.

A dear friend Kara shared a blog with me.  As I read it I almost shook my head off my shoulders.  If you want to understand a little more the crazy person that is Karen, please read this:  How to be the Village.  (Full credit given to Jen Hatmaker whose blog I will be stalking daily now.)

I'll post a couple of points just in case you don't click on the link.  But I hope you do.


How can you help? By not saying or doing these things:


1. “God’s timing is perfect!” (Could also insert: “This is all God’s plan!” “God is in charge!”) As exactly true as this may be, when you say it to a waiting parent, we want to scratch your eyebrows off and make you eat them with a spoon. Any trite answer that minimizes the struggle is as welcomed as a sack of dirty diapers. You are voicing something we probably already believe while not acknowledging that we are hurting and that somewhere a child is going to bed without a mother again. Please never say this again. Thank you.


4. We’re happy to field your questions about becoming a transracial family or adopting a child of another race, but please don’t use this moment to trot out your bigotry. (Cluelessness is a different thing, and we try to shrug that off. Like when someone asked about our Ethiopian kids, “Will they be black?” Aw, sweet little dum-dum.)


5.     Saying nothing is the opposite bad. I realize with blogs like this one, you can get skittish on how to talk to a crazed adopting Mama without getting under her paper-thin skin or inadvertently offending her. I get it. (We try hard not to act so hypersensitive. Just imagine that we are paper-pregnant with similar hormones surging through our bodies making us cry at Subaru commercials just like the 7-month preggo sitting next to us. And look at all this weight we’ve gained. See?) But acting like we’re not adopting or struggling or waiting or hoping or grieving is not helpful either. If I was pregnant with a baby in my belly, and no one ever asked how I was feeling or how much longer or is his nursery ready or can we plan a shower, I would have to audition new friend candidates immediately. 

Let me add my own.  I realize that I'm 42 years old and going in the opposite direction of my friends when it comes to kids.  We're about to add a 2 year old to our family.  And if God asks us again, we'll be bringing another little one home.  And maybe they'll have special needs.  I'm not doing this because I'm a good person or a saint or because I never want a social life again.  There's this thing about listening to God's call.  You know what?  I didn't get it either at first. 

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I think it's time to check Craigslist for a toddler bed...

4 comments:

  1. Love this! We are let's just say, a little older then you even and about to bring a 2 year old home from Haiti.....and have a 2 year old foster baby who has been with us since birth and an 11 year old adopted son (as well as a 25 year old adopted son!) I say set up a bed!!! It helps to see the reality that your child IS coming home! Yes, we are going in the opposite direction of most of the people our age in our world but it is the right direction and we wouldn't have it any other way!
    Blessings~Shelly,Lovely's Mama

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  2. Shelly - You just inspired me to respond to an ad on Craigslist. Here's hoping I get to set up her bed this weekend. :-)

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  3. LOVE that you are getting the bed. I say do it!! Get the room ready, buy her bedding make her blanket.
    I am in the process of getting Shaina's bed set up too. I am painting it because it is an antique bedframe and was rusty. I have her bedding picked out and the closet is ready for her clothes.
    Now all we need are our littles ones :-)

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  4. I came across your blog tonight and wanted to encourage you to continue to nest and hope and cry and smile and document every moment for your precious little one! Our son is 3 1/2 in croix-des-Bouquets waiting for our paperwork to work its way through the system. I got to meet him in December and I am so excited to hear how your trip goes with your hubby! You can read our journey at teamhires.blogspot.com

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