I miss her...

It almost feels like I'm nesting today - but in a food way, not a cleaning the house way. I'm baking up a storm and blanching and freezing veggies. Jason, and my waistline, would be happier if I nested the other way.

There's no real reason. It's not like we're anywhere close to having two new feet in this house. We found out a couple of weeks ago that we're past first legalization, and she's got an IBESR number. My friend who is also adopting from COTP says this is a huge step forward. It doesn't feel like a huge step. It could still be a year before she comes home.

I miss her today. How can I miss a child I've never met? I don't understand it, and yet I miss her. Her picture is in my bedroom. She has the most beautiful eyes and a mischievous smile. She and Henry are going to get into a lot of trouble together. A lot.

The best advice I got from someone was to keep living. It's so easy to put life on hold as we wait for her to come home. I've been hoarding my PTO, making sure I have enough saved for both trips to Haiti. My life is on hold - waiting for the one email that says she's ready to come home. A year from now.

Last Thursday I had an unexpected day off of work. Sofia needed to pick flowers for her Outdoor Art class. We went outside first thing in the morning to explore together. We had so much fun picking flowers she's normally not allowed to mess with. I let my hair down, if you will. There are plenty of flowers out there.

I've made a conscious decision - the hold button is off. It's time to heed the advice. I'm living life as much as I can.


My mind truly never stops thinking about Baby Haiti.

I miss her.

Water is a luxury?

Below is a conversation I had with someone recently.

Them - I want to help the kids in the community (Haiti) get diapers.

Me - It's not sustainable. Disposable diapers run out.

Them - What about cloth diapers? At least they could re-use them.

Me - Where are they going to wash them? I didn't see any front-end loaders while I was down there.

Them - But what do the babies wear on their bottoms?

Me - Nothing.

Them - (SHOCKED LOOK)

Me - Diapers are a luxury.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Do you ever stop and think about what you have, that is a luxury to the rest of the world? Let me start a list: washing machines, showers, toilet paper, a bed, shoes, food, air conditioning, multiple outfits to wear, a house.

Running water.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

This afternoon my favorite little guy and I were playing outside. It's been really warm up here so this was a great activity.

First, a drink.

Then a drink for the flowers.

Who said the froggy boots were meant to keep the water out?

Could this child be any more adorable?

As he was off having his fun, I was sitting in a lawn chair, thinking about what a luxury it is to have a water hose that's tapped into a well with fresh water. It's a luxury that he can drink directly out of it and we don't have to worry about him getting sick. And it's a luxury that we can leave it on, as the water runs down the driveway and off into the street.

That water hose gets me every time. I can't watch the kids playing without thinking about how the rest of the world lives.

We are blessed beyond measure.

"...For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required." Luke 12:48

Click here and watch this video when you get a chance.

This has become my new theme song. Here are the words:

Sometimes I
I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not

This world needs God
But it's easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong
But I refuse

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

I can hear the least of these
Crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet
Of You, oh God

So, if You say move
It's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
Show them who You are

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

To stand and watch the weary and lost
Cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back
And try and act like all is well

I refuse to stay unchanged
To wait another day, to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

I refuse
I refuse

You get what you pray for

First things first - an adoption update. Are you ready for it? The ticker right above this post is 1-1-1. One month, one week, one day since we accepted our referral. Or 9 months and change since we started the adoption process.

Well, there's no update. Nothing. No word, no news, no update. We continue to wait. So I do the only thing I can - pray. Keep her safe. Bring her home. Don't forget that I'm still waiting for that life purpose. And do you think there's any way I could get to the DR in August? I know it's crazy, but if I can't go to Haiti I'd like to travel with ICHF on their next medical mission.

Where does my mind come up with this stuff?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Lawn mowing is my Saturday chore. Jason does the laundry, vacuums, picks up, shops for groceries, does the dishes and manages the house. I mow. It seems like a good balance, if you ask me. (I also bring home the soy bacon and fry it up in a pan, so don't think I'm a total slacker.)

A few weeks ago I was out mowing, lost in thought as I listened to music and twirled around trees on my zero turn radius mower. All of a sudden there was a tap on my shoulder. "Karen, I think you should contact Dr. Gilbert and see if he needs any volunteer help." Huh. That's interesting. Dr. Gilbert performs heart surgeries in other countries. I only speak English and I can't remember the big words used to describe Sofia's broken arm. Must be my crazy thinking again. Dr. Gilbert, a cardiac surgeon, doesn't want me to bother him.

The tap got a little louder. "Karen, I meant it. You might think this is your crazy thinking, but it's MINE. Just send an email. You never know what will happen."

I finished circling around the trees, brushed myself off, and went in to send the email. The entire time I was sending it I still thought it was a little nuts. Pretty sure God is used to his wishes being perceived as nuts.

Dr. Gilbert was in Equador, on the latest medical mission with International Children's Heart Foundation. Yet this man, this MD, this surgeon who is saving babies, responded to my email. They have a need. Grant writing. What experience do I have, he asks.

Within another 24 hours a different person from ICHF emailed. He wanted to talk. I hadn't seen this name before, but my heart sank when I saw his title - CEO. Why does a CEO want to talk to me? Oh God, you've gone and done it again.

Fast forward to July 4th. I'm sitting in Starbucks waiting to meet Alberto, the CEO of ICHF. The meeting was a whirlwind. I could tell instantly why he has the title he does. In about 90 minutes I was taken on as a volunteer grant writer, had an ICHF email address, and was scheduled to go on their next medical mission trip.

I shouldn't be amazed, but even right now I still am. I got what I prayed for.

In August I'll be traveling to the Dominican Republic. (Didn't I write earlier that I wanted to get there?) It's hard to describe how excited I am. There are many beautiful things, and here are just a couple:
1 - I get to meet Dr. Gilbert. He has been an amazing help with the COTP heart babies.
2 - Guerlin might be there for surgery.
3 - I get to see Amy, the amazing RN at COTP. I love her.
4 - I will probably see open heart surgery right in the OR. gulp

My role title is AYAF - Anything You Ask For. Whatever they need, I'll do. Sort, organize, take pictures, hold babies, blog, update their FB site.

Someone - please pinch me.

You get what you pray for. Have you given it a try?