Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I'm anxious

My sister Kris gently reminded me that I promised to update the blog this weekend. It's Tuesday. I guess I'm a little late.

Brenda and I booked our flights today. We're flying out on May Day and will return on Friday the 13th. We talked about these days for about a week - and for about a week I've been extremely anxious. I don't want to be away for that long. Henry has become a little love bug lately. Out of the blue he'll grab my leg or kiss me or say "wuv you mama".

I don't want to be away from Henry for that long.

Yesterday I couldn't catch my breath. Can't we just come back on Wednesday? That will be the same amount of time I was gone last time. I can handle that. But two more days?

I don't want to be away from my family for that long.

Jason and I talked this morning. He gave me his basic response, "Just do what you have to do." I wish he could realize that's not helpful. I want an answer. An opinion. His thoughts on it all. What does HE want? He's married to a woman who hoards all of her PTO and uses her bonus to travel to a third world country. I wonder what that's like to be in his shoes as he holds down the fort while I'm gone.

I don't want to be away from home for that long.

And yet we booked it. And I didn't pass out as I clicked PURCHASE on two sets of tickets.

I'm not sure where the anxiety is coming from. I know what to expect. I know most of the people there. I've met many of the babies. I know the routine. And yet, as I sit here with my cuddle buddy next to me, I feel anxious.

Then...I come across something like this: click HERE.

How fortunate am I that I have the resources to take a trip to Haiti - that I have a husband who supports me - that I have two healthy kids who eat 3 meals a day, sleep in their own beds, and have multiple pairs of shoes and toys and clothing.

I will be in Haiti on Mother's Day. What's interesting is that I will most likely be meeting the newest little Gigure, but won't know she's the one until I get back home. I'm spending Mother's Day with the daughter I don't know yet.

You know what? That mades me smile.

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