12:01

I don't know where to start with this. Yesterday I was rejoicing as I ran the final copies of our French translations, knowing our dossier was complete. Five pounds of our life in paper. Months worth of work, challenges, frustrations, money - complete. I felt relieved, but for some reason I wasn't celebrating like I thought I would.

The goal today was to get the dossier in the mail - off to Love Basket - so it could be in Haiti by next Thursday. The next big step in the adoption process. A huge step.

I got everything sorted, made sure it was all there, and put it in a large plastic ziploc before sealing up the box. After all that work, I wanted to make sure there was no risk of it getting ruined by getting wet. A long-shot, I know, but I wasn't going to risk it.

Just before noon I picked up the sealed Priority Mail box and was off to the post office. It was really hard to hand over. After I finished paying, I put my hand on the box and said a quick prayer. I told the clerk what was in the box, and she blessed it. Isn't that amazing?

I got back to the office at 12:01. Pretty sure that time is going to be burned into my brain for a long time. 12:01. The time when everything changed.

Everything.

There was an email waiting for me. 12:01. From Robin at COTP. She wanted a number to call me at. Not good. While we've emailed a bit, we've never talked. There's no reason to talk.

12:01. There's a reason to talk.

Karen, I've just got to come out and tell you this. Magdaline's family came today and picked her up. She's going to live with an uncle in Miami.

12:01. Everything has changed.

The rational Karen realizes that this is what's best for Magdaline. If she's got biological family who wants to raise her, they need to raise her.

I just lost a second little girl. 12:01. Can we just turn back time please?

After a great conversation with Jason we agreed that we would continue the adoption process. There are other little ones who need a home. God is calling us to adopt - and we will honor that calling.

I'll admit that I cried the entire drive home from work. I cried really hard. This process is so emotional. So frustrating. So consuming. My heart is broken yet again.

But God has a grand plan in all of this. There's a reason He called Josette home. There's a reason a healthy Magdaline was brought home while here on Earth.

God has a plan. More grand than you and I could ever imagine.

12:01. Our daughter awaits.