First things first, you have not had a banana until you've had one direct from the tree in Haiti. They are sweet and tart and so much softer. It will take me a long time to eat one back home.
You have not worshipped until you have attending a service with Haitian women. They have beautiful songs, beautiful voices, and a beautiful language. Though I didn't understand a word, it was incredibly moving.
You have not experienced peace until nap time with 35 babies.
And you don't know patience...until you try to update a blog with a premie sleeping in your arms.
I bought a present for Sofia today. Can't say what it is because she's reading the blog. Sorry kiddo - you'll have to wait. The gentleman that works here asked if anyone wanted to purchase it. One of the volunteers said the price was a bit inflated. In a place like this, it seems wrong to barter. I paid equal to three day's wages in Haiti for her present. And I did so gladly. (Can you guess what the wages are? Pretty sure you'd never complain about your next raise again.)
Today is very busy, yet I have a break right now. The babies are napping. When that's done my next chore is haircuts for the boys. I'm so thankful that I do Jason's hair. I hear him in my head saying that if I go too fast it hurts. He's got coarse hair - not quite as thick as the boys down here. But all I think it "Go slow Karen, or you'll hurt them." They get cookies to eat as an incentive to be good. That only goes so far.
So today I'm covered in sweat, the all popular funk, spit up, pee, and now HAIR! Showers are a beautiful thing in the evening.
I attended the worship this morning. They do it every morning after breakfast. When I walked thru the gate into the baby area I started to cry. I'm telling you, the emotions are right there. I'm trying so hard to not let them out. (I'm too tired at night to cry) They were singing the most beautiful song. I grabbed my phone to record it but got back too late. Hopefully they sing it again.
A huge box of the handbags arrived today! Thank you to everyone who donated. I'm not sure when we get to hand them out. I'll try to take pictures, but cameras are not popular here in Haiti. Fingers crossed.
It's lunch time. There's some fried deliciousness out there calling my name. No clue what it is but it doesn't involve any meat. It will do terrible things for my upset tummy, but right now I don't care.
Please - always be thankful for what you have. I want every one of you to come here with me so you truly understand what I mean.
Karen
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Hot, sticky morning greetings
Internet finally came back up - thankfully.
It was a restless night with Josette. She's so cute that I can't complain about the lack of sleep. This morning all she wants is to be held and rocked. Hard to not cave to her wishes. She's the most beautiful tiny baby.
Guerlin left with the RN Amy early this morning on a flight to PAP to get his ECHO. Is that how you spell it? Don't have time to Google it. Praying they get it figured out and he can get a medical visa to the states so he can get it fixed. The best guess is that he's got a hole in his heart. I wish you could see him. This is the one kid who's completely stolen my heart, for lack of a better phrase. He has a mother here, so most likely he'd have surgery in the states, recover, and come back to her. It's a bittersweet process, but as a mother I cannot imagine giving up my child for something they tell me is 'better'.
Brett, a second year medical student, left this morning as well. We're down to 2 babies in the volunteer house, but today will be challenging with the care for the 50 others in the baby house. I'm going to be busy and sweaty all day long. (sorry -but you've gotta live it with me! :-)
I've finally settled into my routine here and enjoy this so much. Even getting used to all the heat - I don't sweat the second I come out of the shower anymore. Oh, today Jamie brewed me a cup of Starbucks. Ahhhh. I brought the beans down for them, not me, but I have to admit it was a slice of early morning heaven. Hopefully my head will stop throbbing now that my body has something familiar.
We heard this morning that a school collapsed in PAP due to the rain. Many lives were lost. Please pray for the people of PAP. While it's truly challenging here, it seems more so there.
I can't tell you how much your comments mean to me. I read them, cry a bit, and smile a lot. While I can't respond to them all, know that they really keep me going.
Internet and cell is spotty. My cell was down all day yesterday, but is working this morning. Kinda. The text messages are WONDERFUL too! Since it was down yesterday, my phone was buzzing like mad this morning when it started working. Just makes me smile.
This morning, before I start what I expect to be an insanely busy day, I leave you with a quote:
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
~ unknown
A peace that passes all understanding. It is back.
Karen
It was a restless night with Josette. She's so cute that I can't complain about the lack of sleep. This morning all she wants is to be held and rocked. Hard to not cave to her wishes. She's the most beautiful tiny baby.
Guerlin left with the RN Amy early this morning on a flight to PAP to get his ECHO. Is that how you spell it? Don't have time to Google it. Praying they get it figured out and he can get a medical visa to the states so he can get it fixed. The best guess is that he's got a hole in his heart. I wish you could see him. This is the one kid who's completely stolen my heart, for lack of a better phrase. He has a mother here, so most likely he'd have surgery in the states, recover, and come back to her. It's a bittersweet process, but as a mother I cannot imagine giving up my child for something they tell me is 'better'.
Brett, a second year medical student, left this morning as well. We're down to 2 babies in the volunteer house, but today will be challenging with the care for the 50 others in the baby house. I'm going to be busy and sweaty all day long. (sorry -but you've gotta live it with me! :-)
I've finally settled into my routine here and enjoy this so much. Even getting used to all the heat - I don't sweat the second I come out of the shower anymore. Oh, today Jamie brewed me a cup of Starbucks. Ahhhh. I brought the beans down for them, not me, but I have to admit it was a slice of early morning heaven. Hopefully my head will stop throbbing now that my body has something familiar.
We heard this morning that a school collapsed in PAP due to the rain. Many lives were lost. Please pray for the people of PAP. While it's truly challenging here, it seems more so there.
I can't tell you how much your comments mean to me. I read them, cry a bit, and smile a lot. While I can't respond to them all, know that they really keep me going.
Internet and cell is spotty. My cell was down all day yesterday, but is working this morning. Kinda. The text messages are WONDERFUL too! Since it was down yesterday, my phone was buzzing like mad this morning when it started working. Just makes me smile.
This morning, before I start what I expect to be an insanely busy day, I leave you with a quote:
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
~ unknown
A peace that passes all understanding. It is back.
Karen
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
And then, there is joy
After all the heartbreak today, there was joy tonight. I did my first turn in lotioning up the babies. They get bathed twice a day and you can imagine how dry their skin gets.
I started to lotion the first child, and a Haitian nanny started singing. I could not understand her, but it was the most beautiful song I've ever heard. It was so peaceful, massaging babies and listening to the singing.
Tonight I leave you with something from Fancis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in the giving that we receive;
It is in the pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in the dying that we are born into eternal life.
I started to lotion the first child, and a Haitian nanny started singing. I could not understand her, but it was the most beautiful song I've ever heard. It was so peaceful, massaging babies and listening to the singing.
Tonight I leave you with something from Fancis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in the giving that we receive;
It is in the pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in the dying that we are born into eternal life.
The emotions leaked out today
Today has been very busy. Sweet little Josette is doing really well. She's been eating a lot and her diapers are very wet. YAY! Guerlin, with the heart condition, has acclimated very well. Most if his tears the first two days were just from being away from his mama. He's a playful little thing now, and has completely stolen my heart.
This afternoon I made the journey to Milot to visit the hospital. The ride in was interesting, to say the least. The kids would run out in the streets to wave at us. Many had no clothing on at all, some in just underwear. The houses, can I call them that? I don't know how the people live in them. I pray I will never complain about the size of my house again. It's a mansion by the standards down here. I have so much.
The smell. Dear God the smell. I cannot describe it. I can only tell you that I'm shocked when I saw people washing their clothes and their bodies in the water that's in the ditch. If I had to smell that all day I would not last here.
When we arrived in Milot I saw the tent community that was set up after the quake. Loads of people were brought in my helicopter because most of the hospitals in PAP were destroyed.
The hospital. I won't make it thru typing about this without sobbing. I wasn't expecting Children's, but I wasn't expecting this. Chaos is the only way to describe it. We went to drop off supplies for the two COTP babies who are there. What I learned is that the hospital will tend to the medical needs, and that's it. No feeding or changing. COTP has a nanny who stays with the babies 24/3, then they rotate out.
The room as a combo NICU/PICU. The babies broke my heart. Our little KenLove was there. While he's much older, his body was so much more frail than sweet Josette. I held him before we left. He was a bit tentative at first, but his frail body didn't have enough energy to protest. He slowly laid his head on my shoulder, and that's when I couldn't take it anymore. All of the Haitian women were staring at me as I sobbed. I tried to think of anything else, but all I could feel was KenLove's little head on my shoulder. God, please save him.
I pulled it together enough to help go pick up a bunch of docs from the US. They came back with us to tour, and answer questions about medical needs. They are with the babies now, which is the only reason I'm able to post.
A note for Jaclyn - here's another tear moment, but tears of joy. Jaclyn from Canada sent down about 20 canvas bags. I've been storing supplies in my room, slowing bringing them out so I don't overwhelm them with all there is. Jaclyn, they so need these bags. It's as though you knew it!! Two of the bags will be used to transport the supplies to Milot for the babies at the hospital. I know that a lot of love will travel along with them.
Along with the heartbreak, there are some pretty amazing moments. If you would have asked me Monday if I would come back here, my response would have been, "Absolutely not. And God, please get me out of here NOW!" Today, that response has changed a bit. While this is the most difficult thing I've done in my life, there is a purpose.
I miss my children. I miss my husband. Oh I miss air conditioning and my coffee every morning. But for this next week, I'll keep that to the side as I cherish my time here.
Just a note- you won't be seeing pics of the babies on this blog, even when I get home. For the safety of the children we are not allowed to post pics on the Internet. I'll print and email to anyone who requests. I've got some fun video as well.
Ok - time to sign off. There's always someone who needs to be fed.
Karen
This afternoon I made the journey to Milot to visit the hospital. The ride in was interesting, to say the least. The kids would run out in the streets to wave at us. Many had no clothing on at all, some in just underwear. The houses, can I call them that? I don't know how the people live in them. I pray I will never complain about the size of my house again. It's a mansion by the standards down here. I have so much.
The smell. Dear God the smell. I cannot describe it. I can only tell you that I'm shocked when I saw people washing their clothes and their bodies in the water that's in the ditch. If I had to smell that all day I would not last here.
When we arrived in Milot I saw the tent community that was set up after the quake. Loads of people were brought in my helicopter because most of the hospitals in PAP were destroyed.
The hospital. I won't make it thru typing about this without sobbing. I wasn't expecting Children's, but I wasn't expecting this. Chaos is the only way to describe it. We went to drop off supplies for the two COTP babies who are there. What I learned is that the hospital will tend to the medical needs, and that's it. No feeding or changing. COTP has a nanny who stays with the babies 24/3, then they rotate out.
The room as a combo NICU/PICU. The babies broke my heart. Our little KenLove was there. While he's much older, his body was so much more frail than sweet Josette. I held him before we left. He was a bit tentative at first, but his frail body didn't have enough energy to protest. He slowly laid his head on my shoulder, and that's when I couldn't take it anymore. All of the Haitian women were staring at me as I sobbed. I tried to think of anything else, but all I could feel was KenLove's little head on my shoulder. God, please save him.
I pulled it together enough to help go pick up a bunch of docs from the US. They came back with us to tour, and answer questions about medical needs. They are with the babies now, which is the only reason I'm able to post.
A note for Jaclyn - here's another tear moment, but tears of joy. Jaclyn from Canada sent down about 20 canvas bags. I've been storing supplies in my room, slowing bringing them out so I don't overwhelm them with all there is. Jaclyn, they so need these bags. It's as though you knew it!! Two of the bags will be used to transport the supplies to Milot for the babies at the hospital. I know that a lot of love will travel along with them.
Along with the heartbreak, there are some pretty amazing moments. If you would have asked me Monday if I would come back here, my response would have been, "Absolutely not. And God, please get me out of here NOW!" Today, that response has changed a bit. While this is the most difficult thing I've done in my life, there is a purpose.
I miss my children. I miss my husband. Oh I miss air conditioning and my coffee every morning. But for this next week, I'll keep that to the side as I cherish my time here.
Just a note- you won't be seeing pics of the babies on this blog, even when I get home. For the safety of the children we are not allowed to post pics on the Internet. I'll print and email to anyone who requests. I've got some fun video as well.
Ok - time to sign off. There's always someone who needs to be fed.
Karen
Sweet little Josette
Did you ever think there would be this much Internet time for me in Haiti? I think it's healthy to get all of these thoughts out, and knowing you're all on the other end is so comforting.
Sweet little Josette slept, well, like a baby. We were up 3 times last night and she just gave me some false alarm crying, which has me up for good but her in the bassinette snoozing away.
She ate like a charm last night and didn't throw up on my watch. Dehydration is such a big concern. I'm happy to report that she had 2 really wet diapers. Would like to say that's the mother's touch, but I know it has more to do with the guy upstairs.
Breakfast for me consisted of 4 Advil and a regular Coke. (Mary - it's too hot to drink coffee!) Thankfully my stomach settled down before I went to sleep last night. But the headache lingers. I'm drinking tons of water, so no worries there.
So you all know, they have a water purification system here. It tastes like it has a lot of chlorine in it, but it gets the job done. A lot of this trip involves faith and trust. Many people before me have made this journey, and many people live here for a long time, so I trust I will be healthy.
The lingering thought in the back of my head is my flight home. The flight in had the potential to be terrifying if it were not for my guardian angel. He flies home a day after me, so I'm hoping there's another one for me when I leave. The airports are complete chaos. When I stepped outside the PAP airport there were a swarm of men, all trying to grab my bags. I knew what it was about and clung onto them, not wanting it all to get lost in the crowd. Just a few feet before my awaiting 'taxi' a very pushy man grabbed them both, and off he went. Once I got in the car he had words with me in Creole. Basically, cough up some cash lady. It's part of the game here. Thankfully almost everything I brought down here is staying, including my large bag, so it will be easier to manage on the journey back.
Just another example of how we are a bit shut in our happy little world in the US. We have expectations and demands and will be on the horn with customer service to demand a refund if our expectations are not met. I'd love to have that crabby screaming guy at Starbucks set foot down here for a few minutes. I'm pretty sure he'd be OK with his latte sans Splenda after it.
A side note about bugs. I met the cockroaches last night and giggled. They are TINY! No fears there. I thought they would be like the ones they had on Fear Factor. Oh, and my mosquito netting is only as good as the mosquitos I don't let in with me at night. One of them munched on me pretty good last night. Praying it's a happy, healty little mosquito or that my Malaria tablets do the trick.
It's absolutely beautiful here. The sunrise bring beauty to the new day as I watch the mountains appear before me. It's all God's creation. There is beauty here amongst the sickness and dispair.
Today I might get to go to the hospital in Milot to visit the babies. It would be an interesting journey if I can make it. Two white faces in the brown crowd. I'm told the people here are just amazed by us. While COTP has been here for a long time, they are still amazed at our coloring. Very interesting to be on the other side and get a different perspective, being the outsider.
Please keep those prayers coming. I truly feel them as they are being said. They give me the strength each day that I need. This journey has a purpose on so many levels and I'm happy to share it with you throughout the day.
Here's your challenge today - no complaints. Not a single one. As soon as you feel it coming out of your mouth stop, and be greatful for what you have.
Thanks for being out there for me.
Karen
Sweet little Josette slept, well, like a baby. We were up 3 times last night and she just gave me some false alarm crying, which has me up for good but her in the bassinette snoozing away.
She ate like a charm last night and didn't throw up on my watch. Dehydration is such a big concern. I'm happy to report that she had 2 really wet diapers. Would like to say that's the mother's touch, but I know it has more to do with the guy upstairs.
Breakfast for me consisted of 4 Advil and a regular Coke. (Mary - it's too hot to drink coffee!) Thankfully my stomach settled down before I went to sleep last night. But the headache lingers. I'm drinking tons of water, so no worries there.
So you all know, they have a water purification system here. It tastes like it has a lot of chlorine in it, but it gets the job done. A lot of this trip involves faith and trust. Many people before me have made this journey, and many people live here for a long time, so I trust I will be healthy.
The lingering thought in the back of my head is my flight home. The flight in had the potential to be terrifying if it were not for my guardian angel. He flies home a day after me, so I'm hoping there's another one for me when I leave. The airports are complete chaos. When I stepped outside the PAP airport there were a swarm of men, all trying to grab my bags. I knew what it was about and clung onto them, not wanting it all to get lost in the crowd. Just a few feet before my awaiting 'taxi' a very pushy man grabbed them both, and off he went. Once I got in the car he had words with me in Creole. Basically, cough up some cash lady. It's part of the game here. Thankfully almost everything I brought down here is staying, including my large bag, so it will be easier to manage on the journey back.
Just another example of how we are a bit shut in our happy little world in the US. We have expectations and demands and will be on the horn with customer service to demand a refund if our expectations are not met. I'd love to have that crabby screaming guy at Starbucks set foot down here for a few minutes. I'm pretty sure he'd be OK with his latte sans Splenda after it.
A side note about bugs. I met the cockroaches last night and giggled. They are TINY! No fears there. I thought they would be like the ones they had on Fear Factor. Oh, and my mosquito netting is only as good as the mosquitos I don't let in with me at night. One of them munched on me pretty good last night. Praying it's a happy, healty little mosquito or that my Malaria tablets do the trick.
It's absolutely beautiful here. The sunrise bring beauty to the new day as I watch the mountains appear before me. It's all God's creation. There is beauty here amongst the sickness and dispair.
Today I might get to go to the hospital in Milot to visit the babies. It would be an interesting journey if I can make it. Two white faces in the brown crowd. I'm told the people here are just amazed by us. While COTP has been here for a long time, they are still amazed at our coloring. Very interesting to be on the other side and get a different perspective, being the outsider.
Please keep those prayers coming. I truly feel them as they are being said. They give me the strength each day that I need. This journey has a purpose on so many levels and I'm happy to share it with you throughout the day.
Here's your challenge today - no complaints. Not a single one. As soon as you feel it coming out of your mouth stop, and be greatful for what you have.
Thanks for being out there for me.
Karen
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
More thoughts
It's amazing how little sleep I've survived on these past few days. It's like having a newborn again! Oh wait, I'm with nothing but babies...
Tonight I have Josette sleeping in my room. She's the tiniest baby I have ever seen. My babies - in the womb even - cannot have ever been this small. I asked the nurse here if she'd be in the NICU back home. Yes, she would. Say a prayer for this little life that's in my non-medical hands tonight. I'll channel my inner Jocelyn.
Whoever is posting the quotes, please keep it up. You are helping me shed the tears that need to get out. I'm the first person to rattle off a quote when needed, but I can't tell you how much they mean to me RIGHT NOW. They aren't just quotes - they are absolute truth.
Here are a few more things I know for sure:
* I will most likely not lose weight here. The food is all carbs. With a side of goat. Poor, poor little goats.
* Haitian women are not all a TAD bit smaller than me.
* The people working here are amazing.
* I still have not figured out the funk smell. It's either something used to purify the water, or a chemical they use to clean. Either way, it's something I've never smelled before.
* Yes, this is a different culture and some things are taking a while to get used to
Finally...
* MY CELL PHONE IS WORKING!! Those of you who have my number, please text when you can. It feels so good to have that connection, even though I've been updating this blog all the time.
I'd better go be with Josette. Hopefully I get a little sleep tonight, but sleep can certainly wait.
Love, hugs, and sweat from Haiti.
Tonight I have Josette sleeping in my room. She's the tiniest baby I have ever seen. My babies - in the womb even - cannot have ever been this small. I asked the nurse here if she'd be in the NICU back home. Yes, she would. Say a prayer for this little life that's in my non-medical hands tonight. I'll channel my inner Jocelyn.
Whoever is posting the quotes, please keep it up. You are helping me shed the tears that need to get out. I'm the first person to rattle off a quote when needed, but I can't tell you how much they mean to me RIGHT NOW. They aren't just quotes - they are absolute truth.
Here are a few more things I know for sure:
* I will most likely not lose weight here. The food is all carbs. With a side of goat. Poor, poor little goats.
* Haitian women are not all a TAD bit smaller than me.
* The people working here are amazing.
* I still have not figured out the funk smell. It's either something used to purify the water, or a chemical they use to clean. Either way, it's something I've never smelled before.
* Yes, this is a different culture and some things are taking a while to get used to
Finally...
* MY CELL PHONE IS WORKING!! Those of you who have my number, please text when you can. It feels so good to have that connection, even though I've been updating this blog all the time.
I'd better go be with Josette. Hopefully I get a little sleep tonight, but sleep can certainly wait.
Love, hugs, and sweat from Haiti.
The emotions
I know. You don't hear from me all day yesterday, and all of a sudden there are 4 posts today. Everyone is sleeping so I've got two hands - AND the Internet is working. Call it a perfect afternoon!
My emotions are pretty raw right now. I could cry at any second, but don't want to in front of the staff, nannies, or the babies. I think it's mostly because of the frustration. Back home I could take every one of these kids to a pediatrician - some to Children's, some to Gillette, and max out a credit card to make some of their stuff better. I can't do that here. And it's really frustrating.
There's so much 'stuff' down here. CP, hydrocephalus, the heart condition. I wonder how they survive at all. God put them here for a reason, yet I found myself questioning what that reason could be. I think along the lines of a mom back home who has a very sick toddler - why would God do this? And if He didn't do it, why doesn't he take it away?
Don't worry - I'm not losing my faith by being here. Surprisingly, it's strengthening. I see people who commit months, years, their entire life to care for these children. There's God written all over that, if you ask me.
On a lighter note here, I will forever laugh at how the people walk their goats and cows out in the morning, tie them up to munch for the day, then bring them back home. Have you ever seen a cow tied in a ditch? Hilarious! I'm giggling about it now. It keeps me from crying.
Whoever prayed for cooler weather - THANK YOU! It's not cooler but there's an amazing breeze right now and total cloud coverage. Breeze + tons of sweat = a little bit cooler. Ahhhh. The skies are getting black. Wonder if I'll experience my first Haitian storm.
Someone please call Sofia and tell her how much I love her. Then please spend 30 minutes on the phone listening to Henry's ramblings.
One last thing - next time I'm bringing a pediatrician, a dentist and a VET! There are 3 dogs here.
My emotions are pretty raw right now. I could cry at any second, but don't want to in front of the staff, nannies, or the babies. I think it's mostly because of the frustration. Back home I could take every one of these kids to a pediatrician - some to Children's, some to Gillette, and max out a credit card to make some of their stuff better. I can't do that here. And it's really frustrating.
There's so much 'stuff' down here. CP, hydrocephalus, the heart condition. I wonder how they survive at all. God put them here for a reason, yet I found myself questioning what that reason could be. I think along the lines of a mom back home who has a very sick toddler - why would God do this? And if He didn't do it, why doesn't he take it away?
Don't worry - I'm not losing my faith by being here. Surprisingly, it's strengthening. I see people who commit months, years, their entire life to care for these children. There's God written all over that, if you ask me.
On a lighter note here, I will forever laugh at how the people walk their goats and cows out in the morning, tie them up to munch for the day, then bring them back home. Have you ever seen a cow tied in a ditch? Hilarious! I'm giggling about it now. It keeps me from crying.
Whoever prayed for cooler weather - THANK YOU! It's not cooler but there's an amazing breeze right now and total cloud coverage. Breeze + tons of sweat = a little bit cooler. Ahhhh. The skies are getting black. Wonder if I'll experience my first Haitian storm.
Someone please call Sofia and tell her how much I love her. Then please spend 30 minutes on the phone listening to Henry's ramblings.
One last thing - next time I'm bringing a pediatrician, a dentist and a VET! There are 3 dogs here.
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