Last Day

Today was my final day in Haiti. We woke up early so we could spend more time at the land. The first thing I did was sort their Mothers Day shirts that we're selling! If you want more information, go to my mom's Facebook page. 

I made a few bracelets with the bead ladies. I asked Louisemene to do my hair and she braided it and added beads. So bel(beautiful)! The moms had one education class today because they leave early on Fridays. My mom filmed them singing because their song is about them thanking Jenn and Amy for Second Mile. It is a beautiful thing to listen to!

I played with Carelovedine and Richard some more. I took a picture with Carelovedine before we left. One interesting thing that my mom and I talked about was how I view things different than she does. We saw some kids kicking a rock or a piece of fruit around and trying to get it in between two sticks sticking out of the ground. I said that they were playing soccer, and that they were being creative with what they had. My mom said that she feels bad that they don't have a real soccer ball. I seem to see the good in hard situations. This shows that everyone views things differently. 

Haiti was a different experience for me, and I viewed it the way that I view everything: find the good in things. You can apply this back to your life. This is the main thing that Haiti has taught me. Not that people are less privileged in other countries. Not that I'm lucky to live where I do. Find the good in things. And in people. And in life. 

Lots of love,

Sofia ❤️

Day 4

The power went out again last night, so they turned the generator on. It sounded like there was a motor running outside our window! I didn't fall asleep until the power turned back on.

Our breakfast was fruit again today. They had pineapple! It was so sweet because it was fresh. We talked for a bit and then we went to the Second Mile land again. I went in with the beading ladies and learned how to roll beads! They're really easy and really fun to make. If you want to see the pictures, you should friend my mom on Facebook. She has posted all of the pictures of me on there.

After I made a handful of beads, I watched more classes and played with the kids. The two girls from yesterday weren't there today, which made me upset, because I was looking forward to playing with them. The other kids, Richard and Carelovedine(I think that is how you spell it), played with me. Amy suggested that I bring out some foam stickers and paper, so I did in hopes that I could keep the kids occupied as the moms talked. I think that the moms were more entertained with the stickers than the kids! They put them on their arms and all over the paper.

Amy brought out rubber bands to make bracelets. They were the Rainbow Loom ones. I taught the moms how to make a special kind of bracelet, and they loved it! Even the kids tried! I made a bracelet for each of the kids. Carelovedine's had a heart charm on it. I told her my name, and she seemed to like it because she would repeat my name over and over again when she saw me. She was so sweet! I hope I can spend my last day here with her and the other kids.

To end a great day, we went swimming in a pool at a hotel. We were going to go to a beach, but my mom isn't feeling good so we went to the one that had a shorter drive. It was very relaxing. I'm upset about going home tomorrow, but this has been a fun trip!

Lots of love,
Sofia

Day 3

Last night, the power went out for a while, so we were unable to fall asleep, sweating uncontrollably. The roosters crowed at dawn again, waking both of us up. We came downstairs for a delicious breakfast of mangoes, bananas, apples, and oranges. After that, we packed up all of the beads we brought here. I worked with the beading ladies at the Second Mile land for most of the day. I taught the ladies how to make bracelets, organized the containers and then went outside.

I watched two more education classes today. Most of the kids were crying during these classes, which my mom can't stand. She left the bead room to go hold babies. They didn't sing at the end of each class today, but it was still cool to see. The teacher would say something and the moms would say it back. It was all in Creole, of course, so I couldn't understand any of it.

I played with kids during the classes so they wouldn't bother their parents. Two of the little girls I played with stood out to me. They were sisters, but their parents had died, so they lived with their grandmother, their aunt, and their cousins.Their cousins were twin babies, and these girls were taking care of them. They held the babies for the whole first class. The grandma came and took one of them, and my mom held the other one. Both of the sisters loved my hair! They took turns putting it in a ponytail.  The oldest girl, whose name I don't know, took a hair binder from her hair (which was beautiful!) and put it in my hair. I offered it back to her after a few minutes, but she insisted that I keep it.

After that, she wanted to play a hand game with me. It was hard communicating with her because she spoke Creole. She showed me what to do and we played for over 15 minutes. I took pictures with them and sadly had to go. The amazing thing was that they were so happy this whole time! Their cousins were crying, but they never wiped that smile off of their faces. I hope I can play with them again either tomorrow or Friday! Thanks for reading!

Lots of love,
Sofia

Day 2 Part 2

After COTP, we took the long, bumpy road to Second Mile. A nice man named Errod drove us around today. The people who live on those streets are the poorer Haitians. All of them, mothers, fathers, and children, were working hard out there. It helped me realize that most Americans take the richness of our country and use it as an excuse to be lazy. Seeing these people working so hard is making me want to do more for my community. I already volunteer in two places, but there's more I could do at home.

It was amazing to finally see the Second Mile land. My dad, who is known of as Jenson there, has done lots of work, so it was cool seeing all of the things I have seen from pictures. Some of the people he worked with remembered him and my mom, who was Madam Jenson to them, and they called me Petit (small or child) Jenson. Jenn gave us a great tour of the whole land. The gardens were huge! They had bigger corn plants than I have ever seen in the US.  They had banana trees, carrots, onions, spinach, moringa, beans, peppers, and chaya.

I saw someone making coconut oil, and we're taking back some mango jam. If you know how I felt about the mangoes here, then you can assume how overjoyed I am to try the jam!!!! I stayed to watch an education class about cholera. They watched videos in Creole and sang songs at the end. My mom was playing with the kids and I was in the office next to the education building typing my previous blog post. My mom couldn't not play with the kids, of course.

We had a great dinner made by Lalita. It was quinoa and roasted vegetables with beans. It was very good, but the heat must mess with my appetite, because I haven't been too hungry all day! I'll post again tomorrow. We're going to the land all day!

Lots of love,
Sofia

Day 2 Part 1

So far, today has been filled with a lot of awesome experiences. First thing- roosters woke us up at 5:30. My mom said that they will meet their untimely death soon. Yep, that's coming from an animal lover. I tried Haitian mango for breakfast this morning. OMG. It's AMAZING! Jenn and Amy said that mangoes aren't in season, and the ones that they have now are less sweet and more stringy, but I can't even imagine what the other mangoes are like. Yum...

Ok, I'm done obsessing over the mangoes. We went to Children of the Promise, which is where we got Rosa. It has changed so much since we picked her up. The children live in houses with actual caretakers, instead of it being a free-for-all with kids running around in poopy diapers, with snotty noses, and no clothes. Most of the nannies there remembered her, and it was so sweet seeing their faces light up when they saw her picture. I met the nanny that she used to talk about a lot. She hugged me, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and smiled the whole time as we talked about Rosa and showed her pictures. I'll try and post the picture later.

Now, I'm at the Second Mile land. I'll post more about this in part 2 of Day 2.

Lots of love,
Sofia

Quick Morning Update

Hi everyone! We just woke up here. I slept with no blankets on and a fan on because it's so hot! I woke up the first time this morning at about 5:30 due to all of the roosters. My mom said that I'm going to hate roosters by the time this trip is over. Let's just say that I strongly dislike them already. ;)

Lots of love,
Sofia

My First Day

For those of you who don't know, this is Sofia. I'm updating this blog in Haiti.  

First of all, I'm not a morning person. I started my day by waking up at 3 AM to get on a 5:00 flight. Eww. The plane rides were easy and smooth, but I didn't sleep at all. On our flight to Cap-Haitien, we sat by a father and his daughter, who was about my age. They were traveling to Haiti with a similar objective: to help. It was their first time to Haiti, and we talked the whole time.

When we arrived at the Cap-Haitien airport, I was shocked by the size of it. The building itself was close to the size of a big house. It was not at all what I expected. They checked our passports with straight, bored faces, and then we went to get our bags. No, not like at a U.S. airport. They put the bags on a rack and people had to come and claim them. It was chaos! People were shouting Creole words, bumping into me, and not letting us get through. Now I know how immigrants feel when they come to America: lost.

We got our bags and waited outside in the heat. My phone said that it was 90 degrees then. Holy. Crap. The only thing that I could do to cool off was take a cold shower. Looks like I'll be taking showers 5 times a day...

Amy picked us up and drove us to her and Jenn's house. The town was not what I expected, but in a good way. My mom told me that the stink would be awful and that there would be lots of poverty. To say the least, it was pretty much the opposite. There still was a lingering stink, and poverty was still there, but the Haitians were fully clothed, carrying phones and walking around town.

The market was a crazy experience, but a good one. People were yelling 'Americano!' and 'White!' while staring at us. I always hate it when people stare at me, but I now know how people who aren't white feel living in the U.S. I bought bracelets and metal geckoes for all of my friends who are anxious to hear about my journey. We ended the day by going out to eat. It wasn't a fancy place, but the food was amazing! I had a hamburger(of course) and tried the plantains and pikliz that Amy and Jenn had.

I will have another post done tomorrow night. Thank you all for supporting me!!

Lots of love,
Sofia

Mother's Day

This Mother's Day I honor and remember Rosiane - the first mother to love Rosa. She carried, birthed and cared for her little girl before we ever knew she'd become our daughter. 

Today I remember the woman who lived through a horrible earthquake and gave birth to a beautiful, strong, loud, and loving little girl. 

Rosiane, my prayer is that I can be the mother you would want for her. Even during the hard times, I think of you and the sacrifices you made for her during your short life here on earth.

Her first year home

Thankful

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for the gift of adoption.  While we never had adoption as part of our plan in life, God had something completely different in mind.

When I talk to people about the little girl what I consistently hear is this: "Oh I could NEVER do that" or "If I had the money I would adopt".

We never thought about adoption.  
We didn't have $30k just sitting under our bed either.

I will be the first to tell you that this road has not been easy.  When she came home it wasn't happily ever after.  This little girl has challenge me in every.  single.  way.

But I love her.
She is real.
She is my own.
She is equal to her brother and sister.
And I am her mother.

She loves her big brother.  Nothing will make her face light up faster than when 'Emry' wakes up in the morning or comes home from school.  My heart overflows when I see her on the couch cuddling with 'Dopia'.  And when I see that precious little face asleep, her hands folded under her head as if she's praying, all the challenges of the day wash away.

I'm thankful that God had other plans.  I'm thankful that I really listened and followed this crazy path He is taking our family on.  I'm thankful to see so many other kids come home to their forever families.

I didn't give you the gift of life

but in my heart I know.

The love I feel is deep and real

as if it had been so.

For us to have each other

is like a dream come true.

No, I didn't give you the gift of life,

Life gave me the gift of you.

Hello blog...it's been a while

Before we left to pick up the little girl I made a lot of promises.

I promised to email everyone from Haiti.
I promised to lose the pre-adoption weight.
I promised to keep up with this blog.

I'd be laughing at myself if I wasn't so tired, fluffy, and out-of-touch.

No one told me the waiting was the easy part.  No one told me the stress, tears, sleepless nights, and worry before she came home was a walk in the park compared to what it would be like when she was finally living under our roof.

The flat little girl - the picture - never had a tantrum.  She never talked back.  Never hit.  Never bit.  Never spit out her food.  Flat little girl had a sweet smile.  She was quiet.  She was...perfect.

Orphanages are no place for children.  Something happens to these little people when their whole world is disrupted.  When they're put in an institutional setting with too many kids.  When they lose the only family they have ever known.  When they wake up at night and someone isn't there to rock them back to sleep.  Or when they just want one toy to call their own but 60+ other kids are fighting over everything.

At 10 months the little girl lost her entire world.  She was admitted to this strange place with unfamiliar faces.  They did the best they could, but they were an orphanage.  A place we're thankful for, but a place no child should ever have to be.

For 2+ years this was her world.  And in a moment her life changed again.  She lost her entire world once more and flew home to a strange place with unfamiliar faces.  She has her own bed and clothes and all the food she needs.  She's got undivided attention and toys she gets to keep.  She's got a yard to play in, a swing set no one is fighting over, and 3 fuzzy things these people call kitties to keep her lap warm.

But she's a damaged little person.  It happens - no matter the care in an orphanage - it happens.  The 'fight' instinct is in hyper-mode.  The volume is turned up.  The reaction to scream or hit or zombie out in a stressful situation is a natural response. Raging tantrums happen.  All too often.

This afternoon one of those raging tantrums happened.  I'm not sure if she was tired or mad, but she lost her mind and started screaming and throwing herself on the floor.  I walked to her room and sat on her bed.  She followed me, still screaming.  After 10 minutes she edged over to me and touched my leg.  She was still so very angry, but she wanted to be on my lap.  As I picked her up, she melted into me.  Her little arms giving up the fight.  Her little head resting on my chest.  She gave in to the exhaustion and finally closed her eyes.

I'm tired, I'm stressed out, and I'm eating entirely too much chocolate lately.  But as I watch her little chest rise and fall with each breath, her tired little body napping after putting up such a fight, I realize that this life - this here and now - is not at all about me.  Right now it's about taking this amazing gift that God has trusted me with, and giving her the best life I possibly can.

He calls her his 'very best friend'.

Was it worth it?

Was it worth it - all the paperwork and hurdles?  Was it worth all of the money and added stress to our lives?  Or the tears and the pain?  The delays and lost fingerprints - was it worth it?  Was it worth the grey hair, wrinkles and the worry?  Was it worth two years of our lives?

Was it worth it?

Three weeks ago I was a stranger.  To her, I could have been anyone in a crowd.  A complete unknown.  In a matter of hours she crawled in my arms and called me mommy.

As she wakes up from her nap she cries out for this person she now knows as mommy.  When I lay next to her, she gently rests her head on my chest and instantly falls back asleep.

Once a stranger - now her security.

Her comfort.

Her mommy.

Was it worth it?

Yes.  It was worth it.  All of it.

And I'd do it all over again.

One Less Orphan

She's home.  I can't believe it.  After all the tears, prayers, money, paperwork, sleepless nights, worry...she's home.

We are getting to know our new family dynamic.  The first couple of days were challenging.  She was hyper-stimulated by her surroundings.  Just imagine going from nothing to everything - a bed, clothes, toys, siblings, and food.

Her big sister has wanted to hold her since she got home.  Today the little girl was all smiles when her sister got home from school.

This, my friends, is what it's all about.

One less orphan.

There are 152 million children in the world without a mama to rock them to sleep at night.  152 million little souls without a daddy's lap to cuddle on.  152 million sweet faces that deserve a family.  Would you consider opening your heart to one of them? 

Truth

Truth:  Haiti is noisy and chaotic and dirty.

Truth:  Haiti is quiet and peaceful and clean.

Truth:  Most of the people on this planet are good.  Even if they speak a different language and don't look like you.

Truth:  There is absolute joy in nothing.  You don't need stuff to be happy.

Truth:  You can go without sleep for 40 hours and then have a hard time falling asleep.

Truth:  Not all street food is going to make you sick.

Truth:  There are many luxuries not afforded to most people in this world:  warm showers, a bed, electricity, medical care and Kleenex and so much more.  Be thankful for what you have.

Truth:  If you live your life worried about what could happen or afraid of being uncomfortable, you aren't living your life.

Truth:  Most people in the US have never seen true poverty.

Truth:  I am an overweight, spoiled American.

Truth:  Haitians work extremely hard for almost everything in life.

Truth:  Because I have seen this so much, firsthand, it makes me embarrassed for all I have and all of my gluttony.

Truth:  I have decided it's time to get in shape.

Truth:  I miss Henry and Sofia.

Truth:  We save too much for when we're older.  We need to give and trust that God will work out all the details.

Truth:  You didn't choose to be born in the country you were born.

Truth:  Haitians didn't choose to be born in Haiti either.

Truth:  We aren't put on this earth to be comfortable.  We're put in this earth to take what we have and make sure others have what they need.

Truth:  I mean it.

Oh the things people say

The big news of the day:  SHE'S COMING HOME!!  

While I won't believe it until she's in my arms and her little feet are on the carpet in this house, she really is coming home.  I can't even describe how this process has changed me.  I've aged.  My hair has more grey in it.  My face has more wrinkles.  I may have put on a couple more pounds.  Oh how I wish I was a stress exerciser.

As I approach the most significant trip of my life, I thought it would be interesting to share some of the things we've heard and been asked during this journey.  I have a response to all of them, but I'll let you imagine what it would be.  Some are shocking.  Some are clueless.  Some are said out of genuine caring and compassion.  This is only a partial list.

I could never adopt.

I'd love to adopt, but it's just too expensive.

How could you do this to your kids?

What if she has issues when she gets home?

How much did she cost?

You have to PAY for a kid?  You'd think they'd give them away for free.

Why does it take so long?  (If I had a dime every time that was asked...)

I could never love a kid that wasn't my own.

You have lost the most critical years of her development.

Your kids are going to just wake up one morning and a new kid is going to be there.  Don't you think that will be hard for them?

You understand that you're just supporting corruption, right?

Is she one of those lost kids because of that tsunami?  You know, the one where all the parents died.

What happened to her real parents?

She is so lucky!!

Ok.  I've got to address one of them.  I know this comment is said out of love and excitement.  It's one we hear all the time.  But I feel it needs to be addressed - the little girl and her luck.

Adoption is born out of a tremendous amount of loss.  There is significant pain in adoption.  The little girl lost everything.  She lost her world.  She lost her family.  For over two years she hasn't had a mommy to rock her when she had a fever.  She hasn't had a daddy to kiss her boo-boos.  She hasn't had a brother or sister to teach her the alphabet or her colors.  She hasn't had her own bed, her own clothes, or even a warm bath.  

No.  The little girl is not lucky.  We are the ones who are completely blessed in this process.  The adoption journey has changed our family.  It has changed the way we talk.  It has changed how we spend our money.  It has changed how we view the orphan crisis.  (I cannot sleep at night when I think about 152 MILLION children who don't have a parent.)  I have made friends with amazing people I never would have met if it wasn't for this journey.  The relationships with my friends here has strengthened as they listened to my stories, helped wipe away my tears when there was another setback, and gone out of their way to make sure the little girl has everything she needs when she gets home.  We have felt love and support from friends, family and strangers.

There is no luck.  Only blessings.

Stay tuned.  The big event is almost here!

Two years - two steps to go

His bags are almost packed.

He washed her sheets and blankets and made her bed.

He patched a hole in her wall.  The hole I've asked him to patch for months.

He put an extra leaf in the table.

He handed me a pair of sunglasses to pack.  He said she'll need them.

He is ready.

There are two steps to go.

Her visa appointment hasn't been scheduled yet.  I'm waiting for an email with the date.  After the appointment her visa will be issued.  The final step is an exit letter from IBESR.

Yesterday I got really excited.  For the first time.  Excited at how real this is becoming.  We have waited for her for over two years.

It's time to come home.

Brief Update

It's hard to post an update today.  A dear friend lost her son on Thursday.  It feels insignificant to talk about passports or visas when a beautiful little boy passed away before he was able to join his family.

Right now there are concerns about cholera at COTP.  Many of the kids are sick.  Some are on-site with IVs.  Some are at the hospital.  And some are still showing no signs of being sick.  We've heard no updates about our little girl since Friday.  Our prayer is that she's OK.

Her I-600 was approved and her file moved to Visa.  We are waiting to hear about her visa appointment.  After that we just need an exit letter from IBESR.  Once that's submitted we'll be on our way to get her.  Not soon enough.

Please pray for the family who lost their son.  Please pray for all the kids who are sick.  Please pray for strength and wisdom for the staff that is on the ground in Haiti.  Please pray that all hands that are involved in the adoption process work diligently to get all of our kids home.

I just want her home.

And so it continues...

Adoption is a rollercoaster.  You start to climb up, hoping, anticipating...only to go back down again.

I received an email from the embassy yesterday.  Someone at that very moment was working on her file.  Then they stopped.

My fingerprints aren't...on...file.

We had our initial fingerprinting done almost 18 months ago.  They expired a year later, so we had them redone.  They have his prints.  They don't have mine.

If you haven't had your fingerprinting done recently, you might not know that there isn't ink or paper involved in the procedure anymore.  It's all computerized.  Digital.  Instantly on file.

They can't find mine.

We have our updated I-171H.  For the non-adoption speakers it's a document from Homeland Security, US Citizenship and Immigration.  It not only confirms our fingerprints were done, it gives us a new 'expiration' date for them.

My heart sank.  My thoughts started going crazy.  I instantly emailed the embassy back with a copy of our I-171H.  They answer emails 'in the order they were received'...

I don't want to wait.  All I've done is wait.  

It's been over 18 months since our paperwork arrived there.

This needs to be done.

I need her home.

The Christmas miracle I've been praying for.  It's not going to happen.  Please God.  Please have her home by her birthday.

Jane...get me off this crazy thing...

What.  A.  Day.

Right now I've got the movie 'So I Married an Axe Murder' in my head.  How's THAT for the start of a blog post?  There's a scene where Mike Myers is doing a little jazz bit.  The line, "Jane...get me off this crazy thing..." is in my head right now.

The past few days have been crazy!

• We got word that the little girl's passport was issued.  Can I get an AMEN?!   
• I found out late last night that she was one of the kids heading to PAP.
• She had her medical exam at the embassy.   Today! 
• Early this morning I get an email that documentation needs to be shipped to PAP ASAP.
• Soon after that was an urgent email - a document needed to be signed, notarized, scanned and emailed immediately.

Whew!

While I'm tired, stressed out, and very anxious...I am so thankful!  This has been a long, taxing process.  When you're talking about the life of a sweet little girl, any amount of stress I'm feeling, any amount of money we're spending, and even the wait...it's all worth it.

We're praying for a Christmas miracle.  While it's highly unlikely, but it IS possible that she could be home before the end of the year.

Meeting last February

8 more weeks

I want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who shopped with purpose during the Delicate Fortress Creations fundraiser for Jason's upcoming trip to Haiti.  You helped to raise $527 which will be used to cover some of the costs of the projects he'll be working on.

Thank you!

This past week I traveled for work.  I was in a pretty intense training session, and thankfully pretty distracted.  The length of the adoption has started to wear on me, especially as we approach the holiday season.  In addition her 3rd birthday is just around the corner.

Any adopting parent understands the severe email addiction during the adoption process.  Every ding or buzz causes a reaction to instantly check email.  We were in the middle of some pretty intense conversation when the buzz happened.  Instinctively I grabbed my phone to see who had emailed.  99% of the time it's one of my sisters or SPAM.  But this time was the 1% - it was from our agency.  The title was benign:  Archive process.  My heart skipped a beat.  We've been waiting for a document to come out of Archives so we can proceed in MOI, then eventually to passport.

My heart stopped and everything went fuzzy when I started to read:  I hope you're doing OK today, because I have some news that's not pleasant to pass on...

It's hard to describe the emotions that went through my body as I continued reading.  I stopped hearing all outside conversations.  I started biting my lip because I was about to start sobbing.

One.  More.  Setback.  Why?

I quickly set my phone down, knowing there was nothing I could do with the news.  I needed to focus on the training and try to get my mind to stop thinking about what I just read.  Every moment my thoughts turned to her I had to do everything in my power to keep from sobbing.  The stress started racing towards my back.  My sorrow had to be expressed somehow.

The short explanation is that the office has 'lost or misplaced the book' in Archives.  We're at a complete stop right now and will have to start this step completely over when they find or replace the book.  I don't understand what it means, only that I was told this is another delay of at least 8 more weeks before we even get to the passport stage.

Delays.  Everywhere we turn.  Delays.

We have emotions and opinions about what's going on, but none of it will change a thing.  We are at the mercy of the process.  And so we wait.

We got a tiny piece of hope that there might be a 'break' in what's happening.  Again, I have no idea what it means.  I'm trying to keep life moving forward, expecting there will not be any positive news on Monday.

But come Monday I know I'll be captive to the buzz of my phone.